Reminders.

Though my convictions melt faster than a snowball in the sun,

How quick are you to rescue me, Lord.

How strong and steadfast is your love.

Uncertainty

Life's been quite hectic lately, what with all the events that have happened to me in the last few months. In a nutshell, got a new start in life, met a lot of people, bore witness to a lot of events and experienced the depression of a quarter life crisis. Don't ask.


These new experiences have taught me that no matter how things may are, there is always something else; be it good or bad. Depression taught me(again) that the only things that can be relied on in life are God and yourself. I'm not saying that your friends aren't important, but in the isolation of your own mind, the bond and support that you get from your friends can be hard to find. (Apologies if this offends anyone, I love all my friends. God bless you all.)


Facing my personal demons have made me recognize my own worst enemy, myself. For it is I who is the cause of all my problems, directly or indirectly, and I am responsible for the state of my psyche. Thanks to God and my friends Cloud0188 and mcy2k, I pulled through my not-so-apparent bout of depression. Don't underestimate it, it sneaks up on you all quiet-like.


Depression isn't what most people think it is, it's like a little cut you get on your foot from stepping on a shard of glass. You don't even notice it, but it stings a little bit more with every step until it really gets under your skin and it stings so much you can't take another step. The state of depression you see in the movies or read about in books is usually the end product of depression. It's a paralyzing, morbid fear.


I guess that one of my greatest fears is that I am uncertain of what tomorrow might bring. I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to be surprised, period. But when opportunity comes knocking, taking the plunge is one of the best and worst things a person can do. I'm still a man who likes certainty in what he does, but once in a while spontaneity does a man good. In reference to Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken", the last two lines in the poem states that in not taking the more obvious route, it has made all the difference on his travel. I like to think what it means is that by not following the crowd, as it were, will lead to a deeper understanding of oneself as as individual, instead of being "one of the crowd". In short, take the time to know who you really are as a person and a human being, rather than a simple cog in the vast machine of life.


All in all, I've learned, that sometimes uncertainty in life is God's way of saying, "Be creative with your life.", or "Go wild." Something on that tone. When you realize that life, is actually this great thing that is made of and supported by every living and non-living thing, all meticulously working together to make it all work (somewhat spoiled by humans, but that's for next time.) you suddenly see the bigger picture and the beauty of it and the compulsion to burst into song and dance in the rain hits you.


(Seriously, it did, and I did. Almost caught a cold.)


So take some chances in life. Don't be afraid of it, instead, embrace it and at least try to live your life to the best you possibly can. If not for others, then for yourself. Act a little different everyday. Slow improvement is still improvement.


In the end, realize that uncertainty is God's way of giving you an opportunity to act differently today.

Past Values

I have a job. Been working for about two months now, sorry about the silence all this time. Been too busy.

Anyways, during my time working in 1 Utama, (I work at a game shop, by the way) I have to put up with bratty kids and idiotic parents about half of the time. Not that the job is without its benefits, considered I'm practically paid to play, but the amount of moronic people I meet is staggering.

Imagine, if you will, this situation.

Kid comes up to me, asks about the memory stick for the PSP. Told him the price and everything, kid says okay. Kid calls dad, which says okay as well. I test out the card, which checks out. Dad pays, kid walks off happy.

End of it? Not very likely, as you've probably figured out.

It was half an hour till we closed shop, and we were just hanging around listening to music and stuff. Kid from just now walks up to me, complains that the memory stick ain't working. He says the card isn't detected when he slotted it in.

Fair enough. I check it out. On the back of every card is this warranty sticker, which states the manufactured date and whether it has been tampered with or not. I look behind, sticker's torn off. I asked the kid if he torn it off.

While I was in the middle of asking him, the dad shows up, overhears me say that he wasn't supposed to tear off the sticker.

Dad goes ballistic, starts tearing into me that he didn't know that you weren't supposed to tear off the sticker, and that it was my fault that I didn't inform them beforehand.

AND if that wasn't enough to make your blood boil, dad keeps railing on about how I should replace a card for him because his machine could read other cards. Funny thing was, it was a brand new card, which means no games, and yet when I checked inside, it was full.

Which lead me to think that he was trying to cheat me out of a memory card. I even offered to check his machine and repair it for him, which at that point he started going on about how he had friends in high places and how he would tell them all not to come to shop here and how he would try to sue me with his court case based on the fact that the customer is always right and how he would arrive in court with only his underpants on, blah.

Man, how much more stupid can you get? Sheesh.

What makes me angry and sad(more angry than sad) is that this kind of attitude is extremely common nowadays. Manners and integrity are almost nonexistent in this day and time.

The question which is most prominent here is why have integrity, mannerisms and overall good attitudes have deteriorated till the point of nonexistence.

The thing is, I know the answer, but I still don't get it(pretty much).

Men, I'm asking you this.

Why have you deteriorated till the point where you're so devoid of everything that defines a man, for example manners and integrity, to the point where it shows on your face and changes your features? (seriously, it does. go compare a good man with a nerd and say it isn't so.)

Seriously man, its like a freaking syndrome. Just look at typical nerds nowadays. Sad to say, Malay nerds and Chinese nerds are becoming more and more alike. They even look alike, so a point. Indian dudes, good for you, you don't seem to have many nerds among you.

You know what I think?

Nerds aside, I believe that the human psyche actually affects the physical appearance of a person, so even if you're like me, and girls shun you the moment they see your face (not really lah. don't be so sensitive, heh.), if your attitude is good, it shows. same goes for those above average looks, if you're a nerd, too bad, man. It shows.

So, I think that the link between the looks and the attitude, are the values instilled in them. Those brought up well are normally more liked because of their attitude. Similarly, those that have been through bad times early on in life, have a better attitude because they know what it's like to hit rock bottom.

Seriously, it's time people started re-learning their values, else they lose what little humanity they have left. And I'm not being overly dramatic, it's true. Take away values from a person, and he/she becomes something like cattle, surviving on instinct.

Have you really taken the time to wonder what happens to them? No need to think, just open your eyes and take a good long look. Go to a place with lots of people, like a shopping complex or a mall. Just observe the people going past, and you WILL see them. Some are so far gone that they have actually regressed. Look more like animals than men.

While I am trying to make a change by showing people how real men are like, it'll take more than me to change things. So, please, do something about yourself or that nerd you know.

Otherwise the term "gentleman" will really be a term of the past.



This post is meant to kick some butts and open eyes to the current situation.

Any comments are welcome, and personal contact can be arranged. Eventually.

Don't like this post? Bite me. Haha.

'Tis the Season To Be Jolly

So sorry for the long wait, and so here it is.

Well, Christmas on the whole was a rather quiet affair, (yes, Ellana, really.) Must say, though, I really had a whole lot of fun. Before I went back to Ipoh for the 25th, I went carroling with the St. Mary's youth group. Now let me tell you, this really was not as it seemed. Most people who have heard of St. Mary's church are under the impression that they are a very pious sort of churchgoers, you know, hymms, rosaries, the sort. So I (doubtfully) thought that this would be a quiet event as well, but since Vanessa asked me to go, well.

Not on your life.

I tell you honestly, these bunch of teenagers were one of the noisiest things I've ever heard(believe me, I've heard quite a few things) and some of it, honestly, was quite annoying. You'd be annoyed too, if some dude starts singing "Sweet Child Of Mine" next to your ear in an extremely loud bass voice while you were trying to take a nap.

Now most of it was really fun, and we sang, ate(Thanks again, Mike.), and talked all the way from one house to another. The trip took us more than half a day, just because the driver took his "shortcuts" and landed us in the middle of nowhere with some "sakai" and "jakun" looking at us with their mouths half open. Each house only took us half an hour, maximum. The time was all spent on travelling. (not that I'm complaining, with all the fun we had on the bus.)

Ooookay. *deep breath*

After the event in KL, went back to good ol' Ipoh via Plusliner bus. Got on the night bus, no hassle nor jam, got to the terminal on time, all that. I was thinking "Yay! going back to Ipoh!!" all the way to the bus and about 20 minutes into the trip.

Bus started out slow........towards the direction of Ipoh.

30 minutes later.........still slow. I thought "Okay, maybe he needs to get out to the highway."

After getting to the highway........... STILL slow. I was looking to see if anything was blocking his way, and from the looks of things, other passengers were doing the same thing as me. Cars were lined up to a point which I couldn't really what was going on, except some flashing lights.

Turns out there was a police check. Out of the blue, in the middle of the night. Well, alright. Though I suppose that's why Malaysian Police are called "chai lou" in Cantonese. "Chai lou" directly means "guess man". They never really seem to have a reason to do the things they do. They just say "based on a private source" most of the time. Must be the the Chief of Police saying "Hm....I feel that there are going to be people speeding/drinking/(you name it kesalahan) tonight".

Well, after he passed the police check line, AND was out of sight, the speed suddenly went from 50 km/h to about 120 km/h. (I guess he felt the need for speed too.) All was well from that point, (except from the snoring coming from the uncle beside me) and needless to say, we all got back safe and sound.

Well, after I got home, played with my cat a little, things quickly started to get boring. Sitting at home with nothing to do everyday may seem nice, but until you try it, you won't know how dull it really is.

After a while, I got used to the process of just enjoying the day (namely, being lazy.) and found litle things to do like walk around the neighborhood and watch TV with my parents.

Yes, lazy just like this.

The 24th came.

There was a barbecue buffet at my church on Christmas Eve, and so I went with my parents. Saw most of the old HM gang there, had some fun, ate some, and then went for the midnight service at about 10 p.m.

On Christmas, I......had nothing to do.

On the 26th, went out drinking with Aaron, Pui san, Kim, Diming, Dijie and Raymond. I was the "transporter" for the evening, and thankfully I do not get drunk easily.

Had Smirnoff vodka for the evening.

Went to the usual spot, a jazz bistro in Casuarina hotel, and talked the night away. Aaron came back just in time, so we picked him up from the bus terminal and went straight to the hotel. Talked half our ears off, drank some, requested our(my) favourite songs, and the bartender, which I knew from somewhere back, very kindly gave us a staff discount on the whole deal. Diming kept drinking, cause we only ordered one bottle, which wasn't enough for him. So he ordered a Bloody Mary. AND he wasn't used to drinking. (for readers who don't know, a Bloody Mary is a kind of drink which is quite potent and takes some getting used to.) In the end, he ended up having to be shouldered out of the bistro.

He'll be fine.

After that, we went to a mamak stall in Greentown and tried to clear our drunkenness (actually, we were hungry.) and the night passed on. Dijie tried this thing called a shisha, which looked kinda wierd but smelled really nice. According to him, it was something like scented water vapor, but it looked like scented smoke going through cold water to me, so I didn't try it. After a while, we decided that was it and we all went home after that.

All in all, it was a really fun outing. Thanks guys.

Thanks again to the bartender whom so kindly gave me a discount.

Let it snow.

Update Frenzy

Gonna be updating for Christmas, New Year, and general stuff all in one go, so bear with me, hm?

Thank you.

Paradise Lost

25th November, went back to my quaint little hometown of Ipoh. Ahh, the sweet feeling of being home after a long stretch in the hectic city of Kuala Lumpur.

As my friend Aaron and I said as we beheld the town...

Ipoh, where the traffic is still smooth and clear....

Ipoh, where the food is good, clean, and comes at a good price....

Ipoh, where the hottest women come from....

Ipoh, where the birds still sing and the skies are purest blue....


I was home.


Sad to say, it was not to last. The elation that I felt when I reached home was soon squelched by a growing feeling in my gut that something was going to go wrong. The feeling started off as a small emotion growing at the back of my mind, so I didn't pay much attention to it.

There was an event which I was expected to attend during the week, and to be honest, I was not looking forward to it. It sort of, well, lacked importance.

Now, it was a formal event, and everyone was expected to be in formal attire, or at least in smart casual. It was to be in a hotel ballroom, with a buffet dinner and tables and seats. Now naturally, when there are tables and seats, there are limits to how many people can sit, and therefore a limit to how many people can actually attend the event. At the reception, I was asked to fill up a card (yeah, I was surprised too.) and pay a fee of RM 20. I was expecting to keep the card or something and use it as a ticket for entrance. No deal. They asked for the card and said it was to "be able to keep in touch with the newcomers".

Well alright then.

What really messed it up was when the introductions had already started and the buffet was open to crowd. I noticed that there was still people still coming in and out of the hall. Latecomers , I thought to myself. And so, when I had took some coffee mousse (really nice, by the way) it was nothing to think about. To be honest, I didn't have an appetite for the buffet as I didn't like standing in a line which consisted of about a hundred people all scrambling for food like it was the only meal they had that day.

And there I was enjoying my mousse and talking with my friends when some of the committee came up to us and asked us if we could split up and sit at different tables because nobody would. The people at the tables mentioned consisted of older folk, and I suppose I understand the feeling of not wanting to sit with people you are uncomfortable with, but what the heck man? No arrangements? And you dare to ask people whom have already got their seats, sat down with their food, to get up and split up and sit in different tables JUST LIKE THAT?

No friggin' deal, man.

I was so angry, I just put down my food and walked off. Manners prevented me from making a scene of myself, which I still say would have served them right. So I mingled around, talked to some people, and took a look around the place. Took some pics of the place, talked to some of the staff, and after cooling off a bit, went back in. Wasn't really thinking much at the time, but when I saw the way the events went, I was gripped by a strong feeling of revulsion. Yes, revulsion. As in the kind of feeling you get when watching a gory movie and all you want to see is the ending credits.

An Indian "kollam" which was put there for Deepavali.

The drama was lousy, the acting horrible, and the characters were so over-dramaticized that each and every one of them looked and felt like they were trying to be Romeo and Juliet in Happy Tree Friends. After the spectacle, I sat outside the hall trying to recompose myself when my friends came and joined me. By and by, we decided that a drink would be welcome and we asked the reception for the location of the bar.

And so the rest of the night passed relatively well, with us unanimously agreeing that the couple of hours spent talking, laughing and listening to the pleasing sounds of jazz was infinitely better than the fiasco in the Crystal Ballroom.(Heh.)

Me and Eric after the event.



Me and Aaron.

An afterthought. When I saw how things were done here, it gave me a twinge of pride in myself that I could have done so much better and, at the same time, a mixture of regret and pity for the people who spent their time and money, to say nothing of effort, and came up with this....event.

In truth, the whole organization was like an old rundown car, not unlike my own, rusted and creaking at the joints. The owner will try and repair the car to an extent, try to polish it up a little, and the like. The sad thing is, you guys don't need to change the oil or tune the engine once in a while, you guys need a friggin' overhaul. Damn.

The saddest thing is, I used to be with you. I used to do things with you. I laughed with you. I worked with you. I used to be proud of the fact that I was one of you. And yet, after I left, I realised exactly what was going on that made the situation it is today.

How can I sum it all up? A lack of exposure, lack of management, no sense of responsibility. I respect the fact that the management gave a lot of effort for this event, but if the work was put into place correctly, do all of you think that it would have gone the way it had? I for one do not think so.

Think on it.

This is the truth. You guys are immature. You can make some pretty bold claims on how you will "make history", but you can't even make it into the hearts and minds of your OWN people. Don't come to me with excuses when you had the resources, the time, and the manpower for the job. As my friend said, it would have made a phenomenal difference if even a small change like seating arrangements were made.

You guys could have done so much better. Sigh.

A trip back home has never been so disappointing.

Paraíso Perdido.

Two Sides of The Same Coin

Knowledge is power.

Or so it is said. But is it truly? Yes, knowing about things makes one more aware of his or her surroundings then they usually would be, knowing where to go and what to do at what time.

But is it really all as great as it's cracked up to be?

Knowing some of the things I do has certainly have helped me with the things I do in my life,
although I could say the opposite about some. Frankly speaking, some of the knowledge I possess have really helped me out, saving my bacon on more than one occasion.

What happens when you know more than you should? Or find out something you shouldn't?
Forgetting isn't as convenient as that, you know. Most people would keep mum, as the British say, or in Malaysian terms tutup mulut. Alas, more often than not, word spills out and suddenly everyone from your peers in college or colleagues in your workplace to your fishmonger in your local pasar malam is gossiping about the latest scandal about you.

Sometimes when a person has the chance to do something good to or for someone else, they find out something about the opposing party that will inevitably have an irreparable effect on the person that they want to help. In that kind of situation, what is the person to do? Tell the friend and risk breaking their spirit about the whole matter? Or do they sit tight and keep quiet and risk having the friend finding out on their own and then lying through their teeth about not knowing a thing about it? Descisions, descisions.

Personally, I think that the person deserves to know, depending on the type of situation, of course. If the person is expected to not be able to handle it, then if you go ahead and tell them, don't say I didn't warn you.

In any case, rushing is definitely not recommended. Trust me, it will most times result in misunderstanding. One must find a catalyst, or medium, to breach the subject to the person they want to tell it to. (That is, IF they want to divulge it.)

Well, for guys, they tend to take it head on, so for them, it probably doesn't matter how you approach them. (Although any misunderstandings are to be put straight immediately.)

For girls................sigh. Do try the gentler approach. Misunderstandings aplenty.

This post was not meant to offend anybody, so kindly do not take offence and just take it as it is.

Now if only i can find the right way to tell that person. Sigh.