Uncertainty

Life's been quite hectic lately, what with all the events that have happened to me in the last few months. In a nutshell, got a new start in life, met a lot of people, bore witness to a lot of events and experienced the depression of a quarter life crisis. Don't ask.


These new experiences have taught me that no matter how things may are, there is always something else; be it good or bad. Depression taught me(again) that the only things that can be relied on in life are God and yourself. I'm not saying that your friends aren't important, but in the isolation of your own mind, the bond and support that you get from your friends can be hard to find. (Apologies if this offends anyone, I love all my friends. God bless you all.)


Facing my personal demons have made me recognize my own worst enemy, myself. For it is I who is the cause of all my problems, directly or indirectly, and I am responsible for the state of my psyche. Thanks to God and my friends Cloud0188 and mcy2k, I pulled through my not-so-apparent bout of depression. Don't underestimate it, it sneaks up on you all quiet-like.


Depression isn't what most people think it is, it's like a little cut you get on your foot from stepping on a shard of glass. You don't even notice it, but it stings a little bit more with every step until it really gets under your skin and it stings so much you can't take another step. The state of depression you see in the movies or read about in books is usually the end product of depression. It's a paralyzing, morbid fear.


I guess that one of my greatest fears is that I am uncertain of what tomorrow might bring. I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to be surprised, period. But when opportunity comes knocking, taking the plunge is one of the best and worst things a person can do. I'm still a man who likes certainty in what he does, but once in a while spontaneity does a man good. In reference to Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken", the last two lines in the poem states that in not taking the more obvious route, it has made all the difference on his travel. I like to think what it means is that by not following the crowd, as it were, will lead to a deeper understanding of oneself as as individual, instead of being "one of the crowd". In short, take the time to know who you really are as a person and a human being, rather than a simple cog in the vast machine of life.


All in all, I've learned, that sometimes uncertainty in life is God's way of saying, "Be creative with your life.", or "Go wild." Something on that tone. When you realize that life, is actually this great thing that is made of and supported by every living and non-living thing, all meticulously working together to make it all work (somewhat spoiled by humans, but that's for next time.) you suddenly see the bigger picture and the beauty of it and the compulsion to burst into song and dance in the rain hits you.


(Seriously, it did, and I did. Almost caught a cold.)


So take some chances in life. Don't be afraid of it, instead, embrace it and at least try to live your life to the best you possibly can. If not for others, then for yourself. Act a little different everyday. Slow improvement is still improvement.


In the end, realize that uncertainty is God's way of giving you an opportunity to act differently today.